if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
