Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
