There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
