What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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