I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize