atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
soo... how was my night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
