he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
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