my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
