I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They have beer where we have blood.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
