the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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