This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
