We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
