glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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