Non-Jews are for practice
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
