Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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