Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
