Jerry, you need to find god
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize