that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize