I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize