AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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