I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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