Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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