One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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