somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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