I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
