Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
