you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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