are you still at the devil's house?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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