If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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