He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
