in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
