I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
