so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
