We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
