I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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