He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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