I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
