I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
