I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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