Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
