Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
