u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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