so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
