Moan for me like Helen Keller
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
