those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
