Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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