I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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