I hate all girls vehemently.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You can't just leave with hair like that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
