Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
