you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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