I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
