I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
