sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
being pregnant is like rehab
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
