can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
