drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize