You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize