i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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