Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize