I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
