dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
