Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
