yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
