Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
